Photo reblogged from take me away with 7,802 notes
“I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once and that’s why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I’ll never forget a single moment of it.”
-The Notebook
:l THIS, baby.. this.
Source: rachelfrancess
i met you on september 17th, 2010… that was SEVEN months ago.. wow. i don’t even know how to feel about this. you mean.. everything to me. i had NO clue that seven months ago, today, i was meeting someone who would mean everything to me, in pretty much NO time at all.. i mean, sure.. i knew i liked you, the day i started talking to you. i wanted you, a lot. but #1, it was a rp thing, not a rl thing at that time, and #2, it was more that i just.. WANTED you. i needed to have you. i needed you to be mine. i have no idea why i had such a weird obsession with leo zodiac being MINE.. its so awkward when you think about it actually :/ because like i said,it was RP. i didnt like you irl yet. and it wasnt like.. a ‘love at first sight’ kind of feeling.. although, yanno what? as dumb as this is.. thats kinda how it ALWAYS starts with me. every person i end up caring about even close to this much, it always starts that way.. the moment i meet them, i WANT them. i want them, A LOT. there’s no specific reason that i want them, and there’s nothing specific that i want them FOR… i just want them. but.. even though that’s how it starts with everyone… this was different. it was so different, and i had no idea you were about to change my entire world.. i fell in love with you, and i was in such denial, for so long.. i didnt WANT to love you in real life. i couldnt. you were with lisa, and i was with james (although james has never really mattered to me as much as he should have :/ aksjd i cared about him before he turned into a dick, but i never fell in love with him) i didnt want to jeopardize our rp relationship by throwing in the awkwardness i was SURE was going to come, by telling you i loved you irl.. i was so humiliated, because i thought you didnt love me back, i thought you’d reject me and i couldnt handle that… plus, at first, i wasnt even sure if i really loved you in rl.. so instead of trying to figure out my feelings, i pushed them aside, i denied myself something that everyone should have.. the knowledge of who they are; who and what they WANT in life… i denied myself the chance of getting to know myself better, because i thought that if i realized i loved you, that the experience of loving you would be too scary. thats the truth, i was scared of what could happen… but then one day, i was forced to admit it. i was forced to admit it to you, and to myself, and once i admitted it you surprised me. it wasnt right away, obviously… at first, you acted as if you didnt love me back… and who knows.. maybe you didnt at that point.. or maybe you were in denial too.. im not sure. all i know is one day you surprised me with this text: “Sender: Lea +14242212581 - 01/29/2011 (1:56 am) i am actually.the last time i cried over rp,was for monica.and she was my everything.you are everything ok.i just fucked it up.i fucked it up hard.i cant fix it.” :/ that text.. it changed my life. it changed everything. You. Are. Everything. those words…. i’ve only cried that hard, a very limited amount of times in my life. it was tears of sadness, and tears of joy.. joy, because i honestly thought that you didnt love me. that leon did not love me.. only joaquin or river or hunter or whatever your name was, back then, did. i had no clue you loved me irl. and sadness… because you’d hurt me so badly, trying to cover up that you loved me… trying to make things work with lisa, trying to make me give up on you, pushing me away, all those things that you did, to accomplish getting me off your mind… they all hurt me so terribly, and then finally you tell me that you love me, and i just burst into tears .. it all couldve been avoided, all that hurt, if you’d just told me.. and at the time, i had no clue if i could trust you after that. thats so strange :/ we divorced MONTHS ago on rp.. and right after, i had no idea if i’d ever be able to trust you again.. but the truth is, there’s no way i could stop loving you.. i trust you with my life. i honestly have never felt this way before, leon. i dont know what it is about you that makes you so perfect in my eyes. you make plenty of mistakes, you can say things that upset me, sometimes.. but yet, i look at you, and i cant see anything but perfection. you’re beautiful, and you’re sweet.. you’re SO fucking smart, you’re determined, and youre outspoken. youre real. youre the realest person i know. you always speak your mind, and tell people how shit is. youre not afraid. youre not afraid of anyone. you stand up for the shit you believe in, and your faith in things that i can barely wrap my mind around, amazes me. because, sure, you can tell me about religion and i can understand what youre saying… i can, logically, know what youre talking about… but i have never been able to FEEL it. your faith, i have no idea where it comes from… but i admire it. i admire you, for SO many reasons, that being just one. im proud of the person you are, and im proud that you’re mine. neither of us are perfect, but we fit together so well.. i can see our life together, already, and i know we’re gonna be so happy.. i have no idea how i got so incredibly lucky. unremarkable people like myself.. we dont stumble across luck like this every day. its a rare thing, for me to find something this perfect.. whether its a person, a situation, an item, anything in the universe.. if its at all GOOD, i dont exactly expect it to come my way. but somehow i ended up with you. somehow i am good enough for you.. i’m “perfect” according to you. you have no idea how much it means to me, when you say things like this :/ to know that your opinion of me is so high, is both SUPER flattering, and really really nerve wracking. i dont want to disappoint you.. and i KNOW sometimes i do :l im so fucking sorry… i want to be everything you need in life, & i want to be everything you want in a person.. im trying, here. when you tell me stuff that bothers you, i TRY to listen, and not do it again. i fuck up sometimes, but i try to keep my fuck ups to a minimum, i promise :l i cant lose you, i dont know what i’d do… i have planned my entire future around you, not to mention im just completely in love with you, and im not quite sure what to do with my life, if youre not in it :/ i just… i cant wait for june fifteenth. its going to be the best week of my life, the best birthday ever. just, amazing. i am so excited, its unreal… i cant wait to finally be able to look into your beautiful eyes, face to face.. when i say something that makes you smile, actually be able to see it. hold your hand, kiss your lips, lay in your arms…. ive waited seven long months,by then it will be nine. but it will be the most worth it wait, ive EVER had to suffer through. to finally be able to say that we’ve been together. to be able to wake up every day, and youre THERE?? in my house! kahsdf its.. its too much to process sometimes. i dont want you to think im like, obsessed or something :x but i just.. i think i love you way too much. muuuuuuch more than you love me ;) hehe, <3 just.. bleh xD im getting way too cheesy with my thoughts rn, so im gonna end this. its nowhere near what i wanted it to be. i barely said anything i planned on saying. everything in this shit was winged, it just kinda spilled out.. but i wont change it. i wont go back and edit it or anything, because i know you like real, uncut, exactly how i feel and think. i just hope you dont misunderstand any of it, cause u know i have a great talent for making shit sound the exact opposite of what i meant :/ rofl. anyways.. i just, love you a lot okay? you mean everything to me, leon izabelle carazin. you are my heart, my love, my life, everything in the world, that matters at all. thank you for putting up with my bs for 7 months ;) i love you. i love you. i love you.
Photo reblogged from lady gaga with 365 notes
i just realized… this will be us in less than two months :)
and by this time next year…. this will be us, every day :x akjsdhfskdfg
Source: weheartit.com
before i go to bed,
two things that upset me about what happened today….
one.. your accent :l its gone… im sorry, its just.. that shit makes me melt, ajshfd
two.. i just.. akjkdflj nevermind, its stupida ,sdj
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